Air Force Bombs Moscow Dacha

Yesterday, during "routine" minefield-clearing exercises near Moscow (since when are there minefields near Moscow?), a couple of missles apparently "drifted trajectory" and went 3.5km off course, into some poor guy's Dacha (holiday house), on the outskirts of Moscow.

The military initially disavowed the incident, firstly denying all knowledge, then saying it was bombing from a paraglider, then mentioned it was dropping flares, then suggesting it was bombing from a helicopter, before admitting in the face of journalists who had witnessed the exercise that in fact a bunch of missiles had flown off course and headed towards Moscow. Apparently, the post-Xmas sales at TsUM aren't only attracting minigarch's wives these days.

The owner of the dacha was notified by the media, but was yet to visit to see the damage for himself. His only comment was that "It's a very good dacha", which contradicts somewhat with the military's assessment that the damage was "insignificant" and shouldn't amount to more than 60,000 RUB (about $2,500). Personally, if a missile came through the window of my "good dacha", I'm thinking there might be a little more than $2,500 of damage. Watch this space.

To date, nobody has blamed Chechen separatists or Kasparov, but it's early days yet.

Chamonix: Skiing and Scenery

After a week of intense cultural, historical, geographic and nocturnal sights (not to mention the amount of food consumed), it was great to have a week of fresh air and exercise (and some more nightlife) in Chamonix.

For the non-skiers amongst you, Chamonix is an ancient and famous ski resort nestled in the French Alps below Mont Blanc. It is close to the Italian border and is about 45 minutes from Geneva.

Ariel & I headed there from Israel, and spent a week skiing Chamonix's four resorts, having a great time. While the weather alternated between perfect sunshine and miserable cloud/rain/snow, this at least gave us fresh powder on the sunny days and a couple of magical days on the slopes. Cam was keen to get back into skiing shape in preparation for heliskiing in Kamchatka in April so spent most time off-piste, but it turns out Ariel was the gnarliest skier- he so badly damaged one of his skis that he actually had to purchase it at the end of the week!

Off the slopes, Chamonix was a mix of great food (fondue, baguettes, patisserie), and typical ski resort nightlife (super casual, 300:1 guy/girl ratio, 2-stage Apres & After-Party scene), which was a change of pace from Moscow and Tel Aviv! Ariel was keen to maintain the language advantage after Israel (he speaks fluent French), but it turned out that 90% of the people in Chamonix were either Swedish, Russian, or Aussie, so Cam staged a little bit of a comeback!

Our final evening was spent in Geneva, just to confirm that there is, in fact, no reason to spend any time in Geneva (although we had an entertaining time doing our best to prove otherwise).

After 2 great weeks of travelling (hurray for Russian New Year/Xmas break, not hurray for conference calls & work interruptions), I am excited to head back to Moscow, although not quite certain I'm ready to go back to work!

The photos are here.

Israel: Journey to the Promised Land

It's impossible to visit Israel without some preconceptions of what it's going to be like. The epicentre of the most media-covered and debated region in the world raises spectres of heavy security, repressed Palestinians, manifest religiousity and life practically under seige.

Israel manages to possess all ofthe above, yet strangely, they all represent very small minorities of this diverse and wonderful country that has been fought over for millennia (the poor Palestinians aren't exactly a minority, but you don't see them in Israel anymore).

Despite seeing Hassidic Jews, lots of guns, and increased security, Tel Aviv feels more like a beachside city like Sydney than a city under seige. There's a relaxed beach & cafe culture, and even though while we there rockets were being fired from Gaza and military responses less than 100km south of Tel Aviv, life goes on as normal, with no hint of these increased pressures (although the vaunted security barrier is seriously imposing).

I spent a week in Israel with Ariel, a good Israeli mate of mine from Moscow, and was subsequently adopted by his large and wonderful family. Throughout the week, we drove the country from South to North, saw the major historical and religious sites of most faiths, put Tel Aviv nightlife to the test, and managed to eat more than I had previously thought humanly possible.

The first couple of days were spent exploring Tel Aviv, celebrating (and then recovering from) New Years Eve, and allowing Ariel to reconnect with family and friends- all of whom were determined to force-feed us delicious Middle Eastern food until we were both ready to produce fois gras.

For those who claim Tel Aviv has the best nightlife in the world- while I applaud the city's ability to sustain great nightlife every night of the week, as well as the range of well-designed and lively venues, it ain't quite Moscow- 'nuff said. (If you want details- email me, or just look at the photos).

Our first major road trip was to the South, where we drove through (but were unfortunately unable to visit) the West Bank, visited the ancient fortress of Masada* (where 1,000 jews sacrificed themselves rather than surrender to the Romans, who spent almost a year building a 20-story siege ramp up to the Fortress (those Romans don't f*ck around)).

*Ariel wishes to state for the record that it was my idea to hike the 500 vertical metres to the fortress in the middle of the desert, rather than take the cable car. I just wanted to be authentic.

From Masada we continued south past the Dead Sea, into the Negev desert. Apart from random signs warning of military activity and firing ranges, I don't have much else to comment about the Negev- it's big, dry, and rocky (but very pretty).

The second road trip was to the North, we visted Caesaria (Roman ruins), Haifa (pretty gardens & great falafel- Yum!), Acco (what old town?), the Sea of Galillee and the endless churches that commemorate where Jesus walked on water, produced loaves & fishes, slept, paid his taxes, and had his hair cut (I'm not much for religion, so I zoned out at some point). From there we went to the Golan Heights, which Syria adamantly claims is part of Syria, but given it's so green & lush, I don't see them getting it back anytime soon! Still laced with trenches, minefields, military bases & tank crossings, Golan was fascinating. We skirted both the Syrian and Lebanese borders before heading back to Tel Aviv.

Our final full day was spent in Jerusalem, the holy city. Jerusalem is truly an experience, containing the most sacred sites of Judaism (the Western wall is actually just a wall, but it's still a spectacular sight), Christianity (I never knew they actually knew the place where Jesus was crucified and buried), and Islam (they definitely have the biggest and coolest temple, even if the dome is actually copper and I'm not allowed inside). I was personally disappointed that I didn't contract Jerusalem syndrome, whereby people are so struck by the city, that they actually believe they are a prophet, the Messiah, etc. I guess I'll have to leave it till later to found my own religion...

This blog (or at least this post) is not the place to cover the myriad of complex issues surrounding Israel and the Palestinians, or Israel and it's neighbours. Suffice it to say that most Israeli's I spoke with do not expect a final settlement within their lifetimes, yet all perceive it to be inevitable and necessary.

On a final note, I must pay respects to the family traditions of Israel. Ariel's family genuinely made me feel part of their family, and I was welcomed and force-fed at daily family events throughout the week. This wonderful hospitality contributed greatly to my enjoyment of this fascinating country.

The photos are here.

How to spike your web traffic

As a general rule, my blog gets about 15-20 visitors a day, many of these searching for random terms like "nightlife moscow", "kiev tourist", "nightlife odessa", "ski kamchatka", etc., not to mention a bunch of people from all around the world who are hopefully my loyal friends & family checking in on me (you know who you are).

Some of the search terms that end up at my site are truly random, and some downright disturbing. I'm not quite sure these poor lost souls were looking for who were delivered unto me via Google searching for "owl sex", "flying crocodile", "siberian salt mines fun" and "horny Putin" but I hope they found whatever they were looking for (perhaps professional help?).

In recent days, however, traffic to the site has increased 10x, with literally hundreds of people searching for "sexy snegurochka", or "sexy santa". Lingerie designers of the world- there is obviously a massive opportunity for you to plug this gap (so to speak).

For the rest of you- a quick internet search turned up a wide range of sexy santa, elf, and snegurochka outfits at Leg Avenue, else you can always wait and hope that Agent Provocateur brings out an Xmas line. In the meantime, I put another photo at the top of this post for you.

Slavic Santa and his Sexy Sidekick

The Christmas season is upon us, and there are several peculiar customs of this season in Russia, compared to the West. Some are ancient, and some more recent interpretations on the celebrations of pagan, roman and christian rituals around this time of year.

The first oddity I found upon my arrival is the focus on New Years, rather than Christmas. The traditional greeting is "с новым годом", (Happy New Year), rather than "Merry Christmas!" There are New Year's trees and New Year's presents. December 25th is a typical working day.

The reason for this, it appears, is that shortly after the revolution, the Soviets banned Christmas celebrations and moved the comparatively safer celebrations (no nativity) to the more reliablty athiest New Year's date of December 31. More recently, with the ascendancy of the Orthodox Church, Christmas has been making a comeback, with the Russian Orthodox Christmas celebrated on January 7th in 2008.

The central figure in all of this is Ded Moroz, or Grandfather Frost. He is a Santa-like figure (although don't mention this to Russians), and according to local press, Santa is derived from Ded Moroz. The two are similar in appearance, elderly with long beard, white hair, long robes, although the Russian figure tends to be slimmer, walks with a staff, and can be seen in either blue or red robes.

Like seemingly every elderly man able to give gifts in Russia, Ded Moroz is constantly accompanied by a svelte young girl, in this case known as Snegurochka. This gorgeous young maiden is historically derived from a snow sprite, and it's unclear exactly why she got paired with Ded Moroz, but it is Russia, after all, so there has to a be a beautiful girl around someplace. Those pictured here are wearing a "sexy snegurochka" outfit sold online for girls to wear to New Years parties.

According to the Moscow Times, the increasing wealth in Russia is increasing demand for Ded Morozes and Snegurochki to appear at New Years parties. Demanding Russians are apparently hard to please (really?). "Wish lists include Ded Morozes who arrive by parachute, recite rap, perform tricks and help Snegurochka take off her clothes.

"Agencies get requests for Ded Morozes who have dark skin, can play the accordion or can impersonate famous Russian politicians.

"The Snegurochka provided by the Ded Moroz Agency promises to put on a striptease. She travels with Ded Moroz and a company of jugglers with burning torches and fairy-tale characters.

"Not to be outdone, the Moscow Father Frost Service promises Ded Morozes who can parachute, scale high apartment buildings to surprise guests through the window, and perform acrobatic tricks in gigantic inflatable suits. The agency's pride is a rather un-Russian Ded Moroz who turns into Elvis Presley. Snegurochka turns into Marilyn Monroe. "

Apparently it's not all fun & games for these Ded's for hire. "A tough challenge for Ded Moroz are corporate parties with drunk clients who try to get the pair intoxicated and sexually harass Snegurochka, Solodov said." [Really? In Russia? Shocking Surprise #1]

"Nina, a Snegurochka and phone operator for New Year, said low-budget, all-female parties were her least favorite. The women at these parties tend to be "bitchy," she said." [Shocking Surprise #2]

In Today's Ironic News from Moscow...

German rock band the Scorpions played their popular hit "Winds of Change" to a packed crowd of FSB (KGB) officials and politicians (including Putin & Medvedev) on last week's 90th Anniversary of the founding of the KGB.

The only problem was that the song was written about the inspiring changes that were bringing about the demise of the Soviet Union (which the Russians didn't realise), and the band wasn't told about the occasion at which they were singing. Oh well...

The lead singer did think, however, that audiences at the group's concerts typically tend to be livelier than Thursday's crowd.

Apparently, other joyful festivities on the day included offering a two-for-one special on interrogations, random jumping out of alleyways at passers-by, and a discount on Polonium. Once the agents had had a few more shots (vodka, not firearms hopefully), they randomly went door-to-door kicking them down for old times sake.

In other political news, "Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov, who attended Friday's congress where Putin accepted Medvedev's offer of prime ministership should Medvedev win the Presidency, told journalists that "99.9 percent of North Caucasus residents will support Dmitry Medvedev for the post of the president and Vladimir Putin for the post of Russia's prime minister." Chechnya reported a jaw-dropping turnout of 99.5 percent in the Duma elections on Dec. 2 -- the highest of any region. It said 99.36 percent of the voters chose United Russia (Putin's party). [Moscow Times]

Great to see democracy taking root in Chechnya.

Happy Holidays!

Since Christmas in all its forms (Dec 25th in the West, and Russian Orthodox a couple of weeks later) is upon us, I wanted to wish everyone a safe and happy holiday period! Since Dec 25th has no significance here, I'll be working through to the end of the year (although I'll be celebrating my 1-year anniversary in Moscow on the 25th!), missing family Christmas (again)... : (

The last few weeks have been a mix of sporadically hectic work, and some great quality time not travelling and spending time in Moscow catching up with friends, as well as the latest on the nightlife scene. Finally, my language has had another "step-change", and I'm now tackling increasingly complex stuff ("complex" is relative when I speak this language like a 5-year old).

I'm looking forward to a true vacation in the next couple of weeks, I'll be in Tel Aviv for New Years, then travelling around Israel for a week with an Israeli mate from Moscow, then on to Chamonix for some skiing (the snow has been awesome so far!)- serious training for the upcoming heliski trip to Kamchatka in April!

All my thoughts and best wishes to all of you around the world, and especially thanks to those of you who seem to regularly return here- you're either enjoying my coverage of my world, bored, seriously concerned about my well-being, or hoping for some juicier gossip!

Ukranian Army Recruiting Advertisement

OK, so I promise this will be my last post for a while about Russian/Ukranian girls, however this particular video clip is too good to miss.

It comes to my attention courtesy of the Exile, a local irreverent English-language newspaper, which is worth a read if you have some time on your hands. I can't confirm it's authenticity, but having seen some of the television over here- it's probably likely.

Although it's in Russian, the message is pretty clear: "Join the Ukrainian Army, and beautiful girls will want you". As per usual, the poor Russian conscript soldiers (& their dodgy equipment) look nothing like that in the advertisement.



As the Exile said "It's not quite the puritanical "Be All That You Can Be" ad for the US Army, an ad whose success says a lot about what's really fucked up in American culture. "

Panties for Putin?

In the latest bizarre twist to the Putin-mania running rampant around Russia (both state-sponsored and apparently spontaneous), Kremlin-sponsored youth group Nashi staged a fashion show in Red Square this week to demonstrate their support for Putin.

As MDBIT put it "nothing says slavish devotion like stripping down to your panties in sub-zero weather".

The writing on her panties says "Vova! I'm with you!" (Vova is an affectionate form for Vladimir)

At least she's wearing gloves to keep her fingers warm.







Thanks to MDBIT & her sources for the pics & quotes.

Russian Girls: The Song & Video

OK, I couldn't resist, this video has to be seen that parodies and showcases some of Russia's best assets.