Cam Defends Moscow Nightclubs Against Anti-Alcohol Campaign

Here I am defending the poor harmless Moscow nightclub industry against President Medvedev's new anti-alcoholism crusade.

Unfortunately they edited my stellar argument that in fact nightclubs & bars actually assist the fight against alcoholism by providing a safe & responsible location to consume high-quality liquor.

I start at 6:45 into the segment.

New Hobby? Cam Joins a church choir

For those of you who seem to think my life in Moscow only consists of drinking and partying, my latest segment on Russia Today has me joining a church choir.

My segment starts about 5 minutes in.

Local News: 12-hour Viagra-fuelled orgy ends in death

Sometimes the local news is too entertaining not to share:

12-hour Viagra-fuelled orgy ends in death

THIS was one bet Sergey Tuganov was determined to win.

British newspaper, The Sun, reports the 28-year-old Russian man died after taking a bottle of Viagra pills for an apparent 12-hour sex romp.

Two women told Moscow police they bet Tuganov $US4300 that he wouldn't be able to satisfy them during a non-stop half day sex marathon.

The mechanic died of a heart attack minutes after winning the wager, Moscow police said.

"We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do," said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.

Medics said he most likely died from the quantity of Viagra he had ingested.

There are 30 pills in an average 100mg bottle of Viagra.

Story courtesy of Adam R & news.com.au

And Now For Something Completely Different

It was (Orthodox) Xmas Eve, -15C, snowing, and after midnight, so some friends & I logically decided to head to a waterpark outside of Moscow for a wild night of watersliding with DJ's, dancing girls, and the finest wave pool Moscow has to offer.

For the rest of the story, see this post on MoscowMAXIMUM.

Festive Season Update

Some of you have noticed that the volume of posts drops off considerably when I'm home in Moscow. While life here is certainly interesting, engaging, and otherwise fascinating, and there are plenty of things to write about (although many of them don't fit into the "family-friendly" category), it's just that "normal" life here is more or less like normal life anywhere else, it's just a lot colder, in a strange language, and people doing bizarre things for obscure cultural reasons- nothing that my readers would find interesting. Oh, and there is also obscene amounts of drinking, partying and debauchery, but that's hardly notable, is it?

The last month or so have found me still camped out at my long-suffering friend Guri's place, while I reacclimatise to Moscow and start my new business (more about that later). Although in the melee of regular partying, you could be excused for not realising it's the holiday season (until all the expats flee Moscow for home or warmer climates as the temperatures approach -20).

Not wanting to miss an excuse to celebrate, I organised a Christmas dinner and party on the 25th December (Russian Xmas isn't until the 7th Jan), and some photos of our very Merry Xmas are below:

The Boys at Opera

Cam, Khristo, and those infamous "Red Shaker" shots, appropriate colour for Xmas!

Nothing says "Moscow Xmas" like Opera Club!

Cam, Gil, Guri & Ariel in the Spirit of Xmas!

Anya & Nastya sharing the Spirit of Moscow Xmas

A week later the real party season got under way with New Years Eve (the main celebration in Russia). I spent New Years Eve on the streets of Moscow with Katya watching the fireworks next to the Kremlin and Red Square, before retreating to my favourite bar:

A view of Tverskaya, with over a million people on the streets of the centre of Moscow to celebrate New Years Eve

Katya & sparklers on the streets!

A horde of Santa's on the Metro en route to the centre

Champagne on the streets of Moscow- Happy New Year!

Fireworks above the Duma (Parliament) opposite the Kremlin

Nothing like a bottle of vodka, a kalyan, and Garage Love to bring in the New Year Moscow-style!

And lest you think life in Moscow is about nothing other than partying, I even managed a cultural expedition to Alexandrov, a Golden Ring town about 150km north of Moscow, famous for its Kremlin and ancient monastery. It was beautiful, but cold, buried under the snow in about -15C:

Cam's Obvious Lesson of the Weekend

When these guys storm the nightclub you happen to be in, giving them attitude is not a good idea.

Ahhh... There's no place like home.

Russian Bureaucracy Lesson #724: Don't Get Your Car Towed

If you have the careless misfortune to have your car towed in Moscow, the good news is that the maximum fine is only 300RUB (~$12). In central Moscow, this is hardly a deterrent to would-be serial mis-parkers, so the police have become highly creative in their recovery policies, perverting further the already twisted beauracracy.

Last week this scenario occured to Diana, a friend of mine. Having had a delightful late-evening catchup, we left a cafe around 1am to find the street where she had parked devoid of cars. We quickly ruled out the most likely Moscow scenario- theft, as either a particularly efficient gang of car theives had an unusually long list of beaten up 1974 Lada's to steal along with Diana's car, else it was more likely the work of the police.

After calling the mystery number for non-emergency police calls, we were directed to an address on the outskirts of Moscow, in the shadow of a large nuclear power station. Our destination was a temporary construction shed, sandwiched between two derelict factories. Inquiries of the police standing guard resulted in the enlightened response that it had been placed there, because "that's where it was built".

An hour wait later, Diana found she also had a couple of unpaid speeding fines, and so only an additional "fine" of several thousand rubles slipped between her passport pages would "persuade" the officer to allow her to collect her car. Having paid the actual fine (a surprisingly technological process), we were told to head to another derelict lot on the outskirts of Moscow.

Upon arrival, we were faced with a large corrugated iron gate, and a rickety fenced off lot. Some banging and paper exchanges later, we had to proceed to a dacha-like structure, where Diana negotiated the flower and vegetable patch to confer with the sleepy attendant inside.

Some more posturing, much more paperwork, and finally 3 hours later, we were free to find our way back to Moscow.

Deadly Perfume Baths?

We interrupt our regularly scheduled travel programming to bring the attention of my loyal readers to another "Only in Russia" story.

Apparently one (or more) of some oligarch's wives or girlfriends was taken to hospital after she had purchased several dozen bottles of expensive perfume and taken a perfume bath.

For some unknown (but not difficult to imagine) reason, this is actually really bad for you and could kill you.

Does anyone have any more credible information on this phenomenon? I can just imagine the new cigarette-style labels on Chanel No. 5, "Not to be used for bathing".

Football Insanity

Following Russia's stunning 3-1 soccer victory in the quarterfinals of Euro 2008 over the Netherlands, Moscow was gripped in a frenzy of spontaneous celebration.

I had never-before appreciated how soccer-mad this country really is.

Traffic in the centre was ground to a standstill as over 200,000 people flooded Tverskaya and throughout the city people hung out of cars with flags, women danced topless, and people seemed compelled to run at moving vehicles. It was absolute joyful mayhem.

Driving back into the city, I was unable to pass through a major intersection, since someone had parked two semitrailers in the middle and hundreds of people were dancing on and around them with flags. Even (especially?) the nightclub go-go dancers we're getting caught up in the excitement!

It was a wild night to be in and party in Moscow, I can only imagine what will happen on Thursday if they win the semifinals!

Dacha Delights

This weekend I partook of the quintessential Russian experience, the weekend at the family dacha. While I have been to dacha’s previously, they tended to be corporate or palatial residences owned by wealthy acquaintances. This was my first time at a truly family dacha in the middle of nowhere 75km from Moscow, complete with no running water.

This was no ordinary dacha experience either. Katya had invited me to spend the night with her Mum & Stepdad, so not only did I have to navigate the complex niceties of overwhelmingly generous Russian hospitality, it was combined with meeting a girl's parents for the first time- in Russian!

As we headed to the suburbs in her brand-new turbo Range Rover (don’t ask), Katya was unfazed by my abject fear at the prospect of being stuck deep in the forest with her parents.

We found them sampling the most technologically advanced banya in existence at a friend’s apartment, then armed with groceries, we headed for the woods. As we stopped en route at a fresh spring in a hidden glen to top up our water supplies, long-buried Siberian memories of mosquitoes the size of sparrows (my new favourite Russian word “Komari”) flooded back, as we defended our perimeter with swatches of birch leaves.

Upon arrival, we were presented with the cutest two-story wooden dacha, surrounded by forest, replete with matryoshka dolls and an outdoor bathroom (watch for wild pigs late at night, I was warned). As stepdad fired up the open fire to begin grilling shashlik, I tried to make myself as helpful as possible either stripping the burned-out shell of the banya for firewood, or preparing the various local delicacies on offer.

Shortly thereafter, we had a delicious meal of salmon and lamb shashlik, accompanied by quintessential Russian staples of local veggies, sparkling red sovetskoe champanskoe, kvas (fresh fermented black bread drink), and some great Aussie & Georgian wine. We made toast after toast, Ven told Russian anecdotes, and all made a huge effort to make me feel welcome, despite language issues. Katya’s Mum, who is a renkown yoga instructor, had also just returned from Nepal, and I did my best to understand her passion for her art and its philosophy, not entirely sure whether it was the Russian or the yoga terminology that was more confusing.

After sitting by the fire, finishing all our wine, solving life’s problems, and mounting an increasingly futile battle against the mosquitoes, we retreated for a night’s rest.

12 hours later (yes, it’s true- I can sleep occasionally!), we awoke and Sveta plied me with more traditional breakfast food than I could jump over. We lay in the sun for a while, then headed into the nearby Golden Ring town of Dmitrov, where we visited the 12^th Century monastery and saw the local sights.

On the drive back to Moscow, I reflected that it was an unforgettable and truly Russian experience that I felt really fortunate to have been invited to and been a part of. I hope I made a good impression!

The photos are here.

Summertime in Moscow

While summertime in Moscow brings many good things with it- warmer weather, summer verandas, outdoor bars, short skirts, etc, it also brings with it cold showers (see my enlightening post about this phenomenon last year).

Showers aside, Moscow in summer is a wonderful place. with just a modicum of effort, you can escape the city centre and head to riverside restaurants with pools, yacht clubs, dachas, or the city's many parks and outdoor eateries.

It's good to be home.

Russian Presidential Elections

While the Western media seemed to be in quite a frenzy over last week's Russian Presidential elections, and despite nauseating official countrywide entreatments that it was their "duty" to vote, most of my Russian friends didn't cast a ballot on Saturday, either upset that there wasn't any choice on the ballot, or simply safe in the knowledge that by Friday, the Kremlin would have already registered their vote for Medvedev anyhow.

In fact, with any potentially serious candidate barred from running, and with Medvedev receiving over seven times the media coverage of any of the candidates that were (the head of the Communist party, and a far right-wing nut-job), what's surprising is that he ONLY won 70% of the vote.

The Moscow Times ran a fascinating article Friday demonstrating statistically how voter turnout and preferences had been rigged in the parliamentary elections, and figured more of the same was in stock for Saturday.

As usual, I was fascinated by the election propaganda, and this time a 5-story billboard opposite the Kremlin caught my attention, with a huge Putin and Medvedev walking arm-in-arm. "Together, we will win" it cries (no kidding).

My Crazy Neighbours

Life in Moscow is certainly never dull. For some time now I've had a complicated relationship with my neighbours who live down the hall. The apartment belongs to a monolingual Russian couple and their kid, the wife seemingly spending most of her time inhabiting the landing.

To spice up her life, in recent months she's taken to listening for any female visitors of mine, and when she hears the telltale click of stiletto's, she leaps out from the apartment and launches a volley of abuse in our direction, accusing these poor innocent girls of being prostitutes, and occasionally rating them against their immediate predecessors.

Shortly after New Year, I arrived home one evening to find a huge mass of clothing, boxes, and other detritus piled on our landing, accompanied by a large handwritten sign. The sign indicated that the wife had returned home that afternoon to find her husband in bed with a back alley hooker from Khabarovsk (her graphic description of said hooker was not flattering), and as such he could now find alternate accommodation. Apparently he came home a little later, was a little perturbed to find his underwear and other belongings strewn in the hallway, and ejected the wife and kid for a month.

Yesterday evening, I was surprised to hear a knock at the door, and this incredibly drunken couple and their friends were outside my door, entreating me to join them for shots and celebrations for Vladimir's birthday. We immediately began to drink shot after shot of vodka, eat all the traditional Russian delicacies, from black bread with sale (lard), to pickles, Strogonoff, Salad Olivier and more types of pickled zakuski than I could jump over. Vlad was determined to get a loan from me (the subtle differences between investment banking and personal loans was lost on him), while Marina continued her abuse of me and my lifestyle, and vowed to find me a "nice" Russian girl to marry (although she also made several graphic offers of herself should I be willing to pay). I introduced them to DJ Кэм and brought over a bottle of Smoko (home-made Swedish liquor). We sang in Russian and English, they plied me with endless gifts of DHL clothing (his employer), and made me wear a Nerpa* hat.

8-10 shots later, I staggered to the door to get ready to meet my friends for dinner, and returned many hours later (tiptoeing as usual) to find a bag of fresh fruit outside my door as a gift from my new friends. While Marina will no doubt continue her abuse (with hopefully no more offers of herself), I felt honoured to have these wonderful, warm, if somewhat quirky people welcome me into their lives and share their hospitality and celebrations with me.

*A Nerpa is a rare freshwater seal from Lake Baikal.

Moscow Nightlife #2

In response to everyone's continued fascination with Moscow's wild nightlife, I stumbled across this article again the other day by a journalist I know over here who wrote it for Vanity fair a year or so ago.

Even 18 months after it's written in this fast-moving town, it describes the Moscow nightlife we party in better than anything I've seen before or since: http://brettforrest.com/articles/midnight-in-moscow-2/

As a friend of mine here famously comments: "What the rest of the world calls MTV Wild, we call Thursday".

See my earlier article on Moscow Nightlife here.

Model Bodyguard Killed in Moscow Carjacking

OK, so this is a very sad story, and the poor woman is dead, but it's WAY too Moscow not to highlight from the Russian news this week.

Russia's most famous female bodyguard Anna Loginova was killed after failing to prevent her own Porsche being carjacked. The glamorous 29-year-old died after clinging on to the door handle of the Cheyenne and being dragged along the street at high speed as the car screeched away.

Loginova ran an agency for female bodyguards, some trained by the ex-KGB, to give discreet protection to Moscow's billionaires and their wives and mistresses.

Loginova was a famous Russian model before venturing into the security business and had shot advertising campaigns for BMW, Chanel and other world-known brands. She took Jujitsu lessons and mastered sword handling. Afterwards, she opened her own security firm staffed exclusively by beautiful women.

In a recent magazine interview, she insisted that she and her team of glamorous bodyguards gave better protection than the more traditional beefy male security men.

"I do think that a girl should be a girl, not a Terminator," she said. She posed semi-naked for a Moscow men's magazine to make it clear that she was feminine as well as good with a gun.

She was highly respected for her bodyguard skills. "A normal man gets sick and tired of male bodyguards around him all the time," she said.

Source: Daily Mail, wired.com, and other media sources.

Air Force Bombs Moscow Dacha

Yesterday, during "routine" minefield-clearing exercises near Moscow (since when are there minefields near Moscow?), a couple of missles apparently "drifted trajectory" and went 3.5km off course, into some poor guy's Dacha (holiday house), on the outskirts of Moscow.

The military initially disavowed the incident, firstly denying all knowledge, then saying it was bombing from a paraglider, then mentioned it was dropping flares, then suggesting it was bombing from a helicopter, before admitting in the face of journalists who had witnessed the exercise that in fact a bunch of missiles had flown off course and headed towards Moscow. Apparently, the post-Xmas sales at TsUM aren't only attracting minigarch's wives these days.

The owner of the dacha was notified by the media, but was yet to visit to see the damage for himself. His only comment was that "It's a very good dacha", which contradicts somewhat with the military's assessment that the damage was "insignificant" and shouldn't amount to more than 60,000 RUB (about $2,500). Personally, if a missile came through the window of my "good dacha", I'm thinking there might be a little more than $2,500 of damage. Watch this space.

To date, nobody has blamed Chechen separatists or Kasparov, but it's early days yet.

In Today's Ironic News from Moscow...

German rock band the Scorpions played their popular hit "Winds of Change" to a packed crowd of FSB (KGB) officials and politicians (including Putin & Medvedev) on last week's 90th Anniversary of the founding of the KGB.

The only problem was that the song was written about the inspiring changes that were bringing about the demise of the Soviet Union (which the Russians didn't realise), and the band wasn't told about the occasion at which they were singing. Oh well...

The lead singer did think, however, that audiences at the group's concerts typically tend to be livelier than Thursday's crowd.

Apparently, other joyful festivities on the day included offering a two-for-one special on interrogations, random jumping out of alleyways at passers-by, and a discount on Polonium. Once the agents had had a few more shots (vodka, not firearms hopefully), they randomly went door-to-door kicking them down for old times sake.

In other political news, "Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov, who attended Friday's congress where Putin accepted Medvedev's offer of prime ministership should Medvedev win the Presidency, told journalists that "99.9 percent of North Caucasus residents will support Dmitry Medvedev for the post of the president and Vladimir Putin for the post of Russia's prime minister." Chechnya reported a jaw-dropping turnout of 99.5 percent in the Duma elections on Dec. 2 -- the highest of any region. It said 99.36 percent of the voters chose United Russia (Putin's party). [Moscow Times]

Great to see democracy taking root in Chechnya.

Panties for Putin?

In the latest bizarre twist to the Putin-mania running rampant around Russia (both state-sponsored and apparently spontaneous), Kremlin-sponsored youth group Nashi staged a fashion show in Red Square this week to demonstrate their support for Putin.

As MDBIT put it "nothing says slavish devotion like stripping down to your panties in sub-zero weather".

The writing on her panties says "Vova! I'm with you!" (Vova is an affectionate form for Vladimir)

At least she's wearing gloves to keep her fingers warm.







Thanks to MDBIT & her sources for the pics & quotes.

Russian Girls: The Song & Video

OK, I couldn't resist, this video has to be seen that parodies and showcases some of Russia's best assets.

An Observation or Two...

Since my driver is currently out of action (apparently sick on his deathbed, but since he's just started dating a stripper & her girlfriend, I suspect he may be skulking elsewhere), I have to take advantage of Moscow's efficient (if somewhat unorthodox) taxi system to get around.

After flagging down a random gypsy cab last night, my initial suspicions that my ride was a little rickety were confirmed when the back door refused to close. After several good whacks, the driver got out, lit a page of newspaper, and held it under the (admittedly greasy) latch. Once this had melted the ice buildup, the door closed fine.

Unfortunately, several corners later, the rest of the door fell off- and although the valiant hinge managed to stay its course for a few more metres, eventually the whole door hit the road and was left in the gutter.

Undeterred, our new quasi-convertible headed back to the city, where my Uzbek driver regaled me with graphic details of the benefits of his multiple wives and the condo he was building for both of them (and his six children) in PodMoskovia. The chill breeze and swirling snowflakes in the car added a certain poignancy to both the tale and his sincere inquiries as to why I was still unmarried and childless at the advanced age of 30.

Meanwhile, in other unimportant news, we have been blessed with the appointment of both our new President and new Prime Minister in the space of two days. Our esteemed President, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin made his long-awaited announcement (well- technically it came from his party of stooges, United Russia) of his "supported" successor, the Chairman of Gazprom (and coincidentally the First Deputy Prime Minister of Russia).

The markets breathed a sigh of relief, the siloviki worked themselves into a frenzy, and the reactions from those on the street ranged from "Who?" to "Who cares", but thankfully, the following day, our new President nominated none other than Mr Putin himself to be the Prime Minister in his new administration (please keep in mind that "elections" don't take place until March), so at least we can be assured that nothing's likely to change.

Now that this mystery is solved, back to the beautocracy...